Tonight has been el sucko. First, the federal government prohibited me from purchasing 20 tablets of Claritin-D, which would greatly help me feel normal. Apparently, cracked-out punks can use it in their unstable homemade meth labs so that tweakers do not have to go without. Since I didn't want to carry my wallet, I only took my credit card. Without my driver's license or a picture i.d., the squirrely man behind the counter could not sell me anything to decongest my airways. I did manage to score some Ny-Quil, so not all hope is lost.
Second, because I am sick I feel entitled to eat the low-fat, chewy goodness that is a tootsie roll. In fact, I feel entitled to buy a bag of midgees sans guilt, and I feel justified ignoring that little voice in the back of my head that reminds me that I have plenty of weight to lose and that tootsie rolls only contribute to that goal in my self-created alternate universe - the one where I am also queen! I left the drug store with my bag of midgees only to discover when I got home that they are rock hard. What makes tootsie rolls so great is the combination of the fake-chocolate taste and the chewiness! My bag of midgees is only useful should I wish to pull out a filling or potentially crack a tooth.
*I think the lyrics to the new Fallout Boy song are heelarious! Expect the title of this blog to make many more appearances.
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2 comments:
Panders, First, the fact that you can think of anyone else whilst you are sickly is amazing. When I am sick all I can think is: "HOW CAN MY SMALL ASS NOSE MAKE THIS MUCH SNOT" and "I wonder if Milo Ventimiglia would like to have hot, animal sexual relations with me?". To be fair, the latter thought arises with alarming frequency, sick or no.
Second, you are a hot sexy fox. By the by, I found these lollipops called Vertigo. You must try!!
I swear, 1 more episode of Heroes and I might have to write some fan fic and create a world where Milo, Masi Oka and I get married in some three way ceremony that leaves Republicans going "See! We told you! Next they'll be marrying dogs!"
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